i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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