After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
