So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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