Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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