That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
