So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
