When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
