i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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