To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I could fuck to npr.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
