how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
