You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize