i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
