if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
