hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
