I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
