I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
