it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
