Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
