Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
