never play flip cup with pint glasses
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
