Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
