Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
