Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
