Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize