I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
