My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize