I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just gift wrapped bread.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
