I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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