This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
