Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
