ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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