The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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