Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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