I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
