my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My feet surprised me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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