Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
