I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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