i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
should my penis look like a turkey
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
