Please, let me fuck your mom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
