You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this hospital has no fireball
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
