she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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