hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
