ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
