Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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