glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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