Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
