So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
