A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
