I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
