You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
