it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
