An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
