my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
