im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
