I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
