on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
