He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
