where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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