I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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