omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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