haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
