Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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