oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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