there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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