i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize