did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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