It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
