I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
