my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
