just come out here and I will go home with you...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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