I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
