I think my vagina is haunted
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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