At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
