you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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