Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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