I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i think my cat just said my name.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
