I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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