My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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