i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
