did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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