dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
