you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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