Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
