I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
