awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
