It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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